She only has to go to the book club once a month. She has decided to take up a gym membership so she can join Max (the instructor the same age as her from the Karate club). She was enjoying reading the book they were covering, 'He's Just Not That Into You'. She was with Max at the gym. He was smiling at her. He only did this and the karate. She did a lot more. She was lifting a weight while he was smiling at her. She was too busy looking at him to notice it was getting too heavy and she was lifting too many for a beginner. She fainted under the weight. The weight nearly smashed through her body. He caught it just in time. He struggled to lift it from her at the awkward angle. He managed it and dropped it on the floor. He put her head between her legs as she woke up.
"Just stay still," he told her.
"OK," she felt awful.
"You need to cut down," he said, "This is too much for you, OK?!" he smiled gently, his hand on her back in a comforting way.
"No," she sounded snappier than she needed to be, "I've got to keep doing this!" she lifted her head up and put her hands into fists.
"OK but not as much! Don't have a go at me! It's not me who's pushing you!"
"Alright, sorry. I didn't mean to snap. I'm just - stressed out right now."
"You must be!" he exclaimed with his hands on his hips, standing above her.
A first aider, instructor rushed over, "Is she alright?!" he asked, looking worried.
"I'm fine!" she waved her hand at him, "It was nothing. I just did too much."
"It's not nothing, Cheryl. You're pushing yourself too hard! You need to stop. Take a break. Alright, alright," she lied.
When she got home she tried having a rest. She had a drink, she tried to drink a milkshake which she had not touched in weeks. She felt sick and started gagging. She threw it down on the floor and it spilt, seeping into the carpet. She felt sick inside.



She felt really, really fat. She would never ever have that kind of thing normally! This diet had become normality. She had only meant it to last a couple of weeks. It used to be salads and water. Now it was a couple of carrots, some celery because it burns up more calories than it gives you, pepper slithers and a couple of cherry tomatoes. She used to have mayonnaise with it and bread but she had stopped the bread a month ago because it had too many calories. Just yesterday she had dropped the mayonnaise, it made her vomit.
She ran up to the bathroom. She pulled out the scales. She slammed them on the floor. She was 50kg, she had only lost five. She was still really fat! The diet and starting the exercise had hardly worked at all. She had been doing it for a few weeks now. She had had enough. She was so ugly and repulsive. She pulled at her flesh. Stripped down to her underwear. A big blob came out of her stomach. There was a bit on her bum. She felt like a great big, lumbering elephant. She felt like the ugliest one in the zoo. An animal. She remembered how the boys had taunted her at school when she was younger. Just started secondary. Her mum called it 'puppy fat'. Her grandmother always said how heavy Cheryl was when she lifted her when Cheryl was little. Cheryl's mum always told her off but she did not listen. She thought it was, 'a load of rubbish' that what she said could effect Cheryl.
"She's too young!" Cheryl's gran stated, "She's only four!" she laughed and groaned as she lifted Cheryl, "Like a fat, little elephant!"



Cheryl went over the edge. She lifted the toilet lid. She stuck her hand down her throat. She threw up into the toilet. Her throat burned. It was so painful it felt like it was on fire. She felt sick. There was that horrible, bitter taste in her mouth that you can not get rid of no matter how many pieces of chewing gum you chew. No matter how minty it is.
"Love, are you alright in there?" her mum called.
"Yes!" she wiped the sick from her mouth.
It was a month later, January. Cheryl had been throwing up her food at every meal. She was shivering in her jumper, rubbing her arms with her hands and rubbing them together. She had loved the book. It told her all she needed to know about men.